Return of the Glassholes

Apple’s new weapon of mass distraction has arrived

Stephen Moore

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That EyeSight feature sure looks weird

The Apple Vision Pro headset has entered the public sphere. After much debate and discussion about what its use cases were, or could be, or if there were any at all, we’re now getting a first glimpse of how the device will be used when put into the hands of ordinary people.

The answer: It’s not a tool for productivity; it’s a tool to distract from reality.

Let’s run through some examples. We saw the guy walking down the street wearing a headset, and let’s be frank — he looked like an idiot. A guy marveling that he could watch not one, not two, but three TikTok windows at the same time, gaining the ultimate dopamine hit. A man watching a movie instead of watching his newly-born daughter, who was resting in his arms. There was a picture of two people eating together, lost in their individual headset world (hey, at least there are no phones, right?) Next, we saw somebody walking around outdoors with maps on the screen. Oh, there was also, finally, a use case for NFTs — lol, I kid, it was a person pasting the JPEG monkeys all over his room. There were tech bros with the ski goggles on driving, you guessed it, Cybertrucks (reminder, there’s no autopilot in these cars yet), and then there was this guy who got pulled over by police for doing just that (Apple explicitly states you shouldn’t wear the device while driving). The crazy ability to use the device as a $3500 timer for cooking. A man taking a dump while transporting himself to the top of the mountains (yes, ladies, men’s bathroom breaks after going to take even longer.) And, of course, people wearing it while interacting with the public, like this guy getting his coffee order; the lack of shame is almost admirable.

In short, it’s the return of the Glassholes.

The biggest surprise was the lack of “wow.” Sure, the Apple fanboys and headset pushers are doing their best to sell it as a revolutionary piece of tech. But nothing I’ve seen has made me even remotely excited. It’s things we can do already, and much better, on our phones, but now through a bulky, heavy device attached to our faces, making us look nothing short of insane.

Look, credit where it’s due — the device seems to work well (aside from the keyboard, which has…

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